Plague: More dead bodies than you can shake a fist at.

that about sums it up.

2005-09-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

and i shall never ever post a fucking quiz on this blog again.

ive got other places for that shit.

2005-08-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

oh and i've decided on my next tattoo.

this piece is going to be on my left hip... it's going to be some badass dj headphones... the cord is going to creep out on my stomach...with a little plug..

i dont know if anyone can picture it, but its going to be badass!

2005-08-31T18:17:00.000-07:00

so following my extreme depression post-graduation things got better...

work work work...

what's my treat after working 7 days a week all summer?

i enrolled myself into a class at U of T... apparently i can take any class out there as a non-degree student since i already have a degree from there...

so im taking one in the fall and one in the winter...

they're going to be awesome.
Advanced visual media for anthropological data in the fall and
visualization of forensic demonstrative evidence in the spring.

keep my skills up to date... The trend towards digital media/evidence in anthroplogy is growing.. might as well grow with it.

2005-08-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

the disgusting pus at the back of my throat has beat a hasty retreat, waving the white flag.

i win.

today is a glorious day indeed!

2005-08-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

i am so sick i think im going to die.

i've got stuff growing from the back of my throat... pus and some black stuff.

i should take a picture

2005-08-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

sweet jesus i got an entire Kanye West album.

i blame it on my growing love of jungle mc's from the UK.

yes. ill keep blaming it on that.

2005-08-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

i have tailored my lawn watering/plant watering plans around the weather networks predictions.

its going to rain the rest of the week.

my laziness rejoinces.

2005-08-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

i have gone and terrified myself fully.

i printed out the applications for grad school at two amazing places in the UK.

i wanna go there.. but good god am i terrified.

2005-08-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

did you ever eat so much gelato that you get a burn on your tongue... Like freezer burn by gelato.

i feel like i stuck my tongue on a post, in the middle of a Montreal winter.

eeek.

2005-08-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

so i got a new Mampi Swift mix today.
i spent my drive to work listening to it... my pre work cigarette listening to it.

spent the day feeling miserable because i fucked up royally last night. I spent all of today beating myself up over it.
Last night, the locks were not put onto the garage door at the shop. I left through the side door after arming the alarm system and unlike every other day, i forgot to double check if the person who closed the garage door put the locks on.

i went out to a skate session and sat around obsessing about it.. convinced it had been forgotten... Got to work today, and boy was i right. My manager pointed it out to me... I felt worse than i've ever felt. I work damn hard at my job and the store is my life and this was one of my responsibilities. i felt like i was letting myself and my manager down. it drove me crazy all day, and i worked like a madman making sure that nothing went wrong the rest of the day.

I got into my car tonight and put the Mampi Swift mix back on. Now i've listened to most of the mix and came to the conclusion that it was nothing to write home about. All of a sudden a familiar tune came on. It was a Kruder and Dorfmeister song from a long time ago, that was on the Hackers soundtrack. The remix of this song is absolutely brilliant. And i love that movie so much. I was instantly back into a better mood.

It really seems astounding to me how a simple drum and bass remix of a song from one of my favorite movies from when i was a teenager can make my day turn around. I feel like i can go to bed in a better mood and sleep it off. And deal with the feeling of letting down my responsibilities in a better manner that completely losing it and having to cry in the bathroom.

there, i feel much better.

someone go listen to a song that makes them happy beyond belief. its bound to work anytime if youre feeling fucked up.

2005-08-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

i am going to hell.

i went out to the airport to see the plane that crashed.

i am going to hell.

2005-08-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

im already counting the days until Andy C on september 4th...

ridiculous.

2005-07-31T19:06:00.000-07:00

im pretty sure i just peed my pants... cuz ANDY FUCKING C IS COMING TO TORONTO...

labour day weekend... on the sunday night.. meaning, i get the next day off.. MEANING NO FUCKING WAY AM I MISSING THIS PARTY.

NO FUCKING WAY

2005-07-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

the little girl who hates hip hop has become addicted to Kanye West's song Diamonds.

it's a problem

2005-07-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

there's something to be said for having clothing custom made.

i stole the images from my lovely designer Erin, www.darkdestinydesigns.net

i made it look good.

2005-07-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

im not day

i spend every day at the skateshop since i got promoted to assistant manager.. we only have a manager and assistant manager right now.. so we're always here.

im going to set up a bed in the backroom and just sleep there.

2005-07-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

i'd rather sit at home on friday night, playing with my new remote control F1 car.

im happy.

2005-06-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

i got a promotion at work.

to assistant manager.

second in command, baby.

2005-06-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

today i graduated.

i now have a framed diploma on my wall... it says i have an honours bachelor of science... its in a giant wooden frame.

im sad.

2005-05-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

i got a picture of what i loved about my outfit from the fashion show on sunday!

THE BACK!!!

check it out, its damn hot..

2005-05-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

an utterance of a somewhat apology in the form of "my bad" came from the dj... an explanation of it being an old friend and how it's always been like that.

calm, sensible discussion ensued.. i explained why i did what i did and how i felt...

apology acceptance.

although i still feel like i constantly screw up and need to apologize all the time... whatever.

at least his version of remorse and explanation was made.

And i guess i still dont listen to myself, as i spoke to him freely...

im terrible.

let's take a look at me now...

2005-05-24T14:43:00.000-07:00

I know i've been M.I.A. lately.

sorry.

oh well.

i've been busy with work, my mom, and going out every day practically.. too many good drum and bass dj's in town. I can't help it.

the insane drama continues with the DJ. This weekend, we attended a party... Not together, i met him there due to the goth/fetish fashion show i was modelling in (see pictures lower)... the night was alright, he greeted me warmly when i got there.. but then it was like i wasn't really there, standing next to him for the next couple hours. He only noticed me when i wasn't there, as i went outside for a smoke. When i came back, he demanded to know where i'd been... whatever.

the worst part came around 3am... he was "flirting" with a girl... i say "flirting" loosely as it was more affectionate touching... A slight touch of her stomach, a stroke/caress of her cheek... That last touch is what sent me overboard.

i literally felt like i'd been stabbed in the heart. I hurt physically from it... I turned around and walked away so fast, i almost knocked over his friend. His friend chased after me, stating how asshole-ish and wrong it was of him to do something like that in front of me...

at this point, i realize that i thought i didnt care much anymore but i was wrong. i have felt physically ill from it. the picture is burned into my brain.

i never thought i cared that much.

i later on went back to his general vicinity, as i was with his friend, dancing away. his friend left, leaving on me and the dj standing next to each other. he tried to touch me, when i grabbed his arm and screamed "dont touch me". of course, which generated much attitude from him towards me. honestly, i dont think he realizes that he hurt me.
at the end of the night, 5 am of course, when i was saying bye to jeff, the dj decided he would say bye and talk to me, requesting that i phone him tomorrow... ok, ill try and make things cool.

by today, ive decided that pehaps i need to just stay away from him, because whether he does it subconsciously or on purpose, he hurts me.. deeply.
so for the time being, i need to remove myself from him. not even friends.

i just dont know.

on a brighter note, here are pictures from Dark Vanity 3, the fashion show i modeled in. Please, no laughing.

i am the only junglist goth/fetish/cyber model in the world. I win.

yes, that is me. with my eyes closed of course. way to go.

fabulous women in Erin's wonderful Dark Destiny Designs.
me, with my eyes closed AGAIN.

Sara, Me, Andrew! People i havent seen in a year! wait, i see myself every day. oops

Erin (the designer) and I.
let's talk about the back of my top. Four straps across the back FUCKING HOT.
i wish i had a back shot.

who wouldnt want a chenille shrug sweater? i know i do... its soft. And black. That's what im talking about. BLACK

yes, a clear corset with glow sticks. It needs to be mine...
the goth in me wants a corset... the junglist in me is smacking her.

The FAB-U-LOUS Miss Nikki, oh how i love thee.
and i will run my hand up your slit one day.

more strappy backness on this shirt. BRILLIANT.
and i love her hair.

no you do not get to laugh at me.

2005-05-08T17:53:00.000-07:00

tomorrow im taking my mom for her surgery.

tonight i want to either hide in bed and cry (which i will probably do) or stand in the middle of the street SCREAMING (which i am still considering).

2005-05-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

good god.. i am still really upset and angry about everything with the guy...

i have never given a damn this long before.

his best friend asked me if i was bothered by him not talking to me and blowing me off... So i told her the truth.
i dont care if he thinks im using her to get this fact back to him, its just the damn truth

2005-05-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

I feel horrible.

after finding out that my mom's breast cancer spread into her lung, all i can think about is how I don't want to go through the chemo and the radiation again.

i think it's so fucking selfish of me.

it nearly killed my mom the last time.. And i dont want to see this again. Oh god, i feel like a horrible person.

i hate myself... hate it hate it hate it hate it.

2005-05-05T08:53:00.000-07:00

why is it that a guy you've been dating finds it essential to tell you about the somewhat cute girl that kept staring at his yesterday??

after two days ago, telling you he was unsure about stuff, and thinking maybe he should stay away from girls...

it bothered me. i did something to me to hear about this.. even though he said "it's not like i would do anything about it" "she lives in XXX"... it still bothers me.

it gives me the impression that he momentarily considered it... why not me? why does he ask that we take a break to figure things out, and talk about things like that? clearly not figuring things out about us...

oh well... we're hanging out tonight. I'm happily going to do it, because i want to show him he judged me WAY to early.

oh shit.. bigger fish to fry right now.

my mom just told me that her pathology just came back, pre surgery and all... it's breast cancer that has spread into her lungs...

i dont know what to do.

2005-05-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

i hate myself for getting upset over someone who clearly judged me before getting to know me and letting me get the chance to open up.

i will not get upset over things this person said, when they are clearly founded on momentary impressions which were not properly assessed.

pfft.

2005-05-03T18:02:00.000-07:00

i get dumped... again.

but this time by someone worthwhile, which is the most heartwrenching part.

why am i never given a proper chance?

oh well.

wow, im bad at these things.

2005-05-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

i am socially inept.

i am relationship challenged.

i will live in my parents basement until i am 40, after which i will move into Lauren's basement with my 67 cats.

and i will keep watching star wars for hours on end.

and playing with my Darth Tater.

2005-05-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

Fuck this shit

I am not getting strung along

No fucking way.

2005-04-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

have you ever been so damn terrified of doing something because of the consequences?

there's something i have to do. And ive got a feeling of how it's going to turn out. and because of it, something in my life will change. It can't be the same. it will be affected on a level that i dont want it to go.

I still need to do this for myself somehow.

EDIT: I did it.. now i wait to find out.

I got my postcard from the Vatican!

2005-04-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

To further exemplify my pope-session, i got a postcard from the Vatican today. This postcard was graciously sent by my friend Douglas, when he was there for the Papal funeral

Thank you!!!

Pope-session 2005

2005-04-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

I'm the least religious person around. I don't believe in god, especially nowadays.

Yet, i was completely obsessed. My obsession was even renamed the Pope-session.

I viewed this entire thing as a historical moment. Which is why i was fascinated by it. A moment in history that is so important to a part of the world, and something that many people never get to witness in their lives.

The whole pomp and circumstance of it... The majesticness of the ritual and the awesome beauty of the Vatican surroundings added to that. This is how i was sucked into two hours of watching a smoke stack above the Vatican, and then freakin' out when the white smoke started pouring out. Frantically calling my mother, who was not home and missing it all! I sat patiently waiting for the announcement of who the new pope was, although i already knew it was Ratzinger. I'm psychic, you know.

While I am not religious, i would never pass up an opportunity to witness such an event (although i still believe the gigantic masses to be somewhat misguided). And i hope that sometime in my lifetime i will get to visit the Vatican. The art contained in that little country is unrivalled.

see, I'm all about the aesthetik of it.

and now, with being done school and all, i have nothing more to be completely obsessed about. Oh well.

Marie likes...

2005-04-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

dj's who spin jungle, skate, actually are getting an education, dont drink and play designated driver, quite like me, and are willing to put on some dirty records for me...

I'm in serious trouble

today is the first day of the rest of my life...

2005-04-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

now that's a loaded statement.

but yes, today i go back to working full time at the good ole skateshop.

i've done stints working fulltime there.. but i always had vacation from there when id go back to school.. but hey... now it's real

Real fucking life, time to fucking grow up.

HECK NO.

things are about to get violent.

2005-04-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

So... when i first moved to ontario from montreal, i discovered the almighty ice cream truck... the truck that drives around, purveying magical ice cream to the children. And to the 23 year old freak chasing it down the street.

in montreal, there are no ice cream trucks, they are not legally allowed to function. so when i moved to ontario, i became enamored with them. they are a symbol of childhood and something i never had.

at this point, i want to hang onto my youth as much as possible, i really dont want to grow up.

so when i got the phone call from my father, saying that he'd seen the ice cream truck down the street as my parents were leaving for a dinner party, i actually peeled myself off the couch where id been since 9 am.
i actually stopped watching the Masters.

I patiently waited outside... i got the phone so i wouldnt look like a fool standing there and talked to my best friend.
i waited and waited.. finally i spied him three streets north of my house... he turns south, then goes down the street two streets north of my house... then exits from said street..

AND PROCEEDS TO HEAD BACK NORTH.

The world has never seen a woman scorned by the ice cream man.

WATCH OUT.

EDIT: Arrows for clarity added due to bitchiness of crazy man.
there will be no more editing, because I HATE YOU

2005-04-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

University is done... 4 years of hard work is over.

i am completely lost now.

officially speaking...

2005-04-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

i would rather rip the flesh of my bones than take my faunal osteoarchaeology exam tomorrow.

wait no, id rather have a 24 hour long biostatists test.

2005-03-31T17:40:00.000-08:00

im getting older.

im this >< close to not graduating.

im drunk as fuck.

i want to die.

i hate myself fo rmy parent fighting over fucking birthday flowers that are dying.

i want to die.

i cant do it...

to the loud mouthed girl who things she's the shit.

2005-03-28T19:03:00.000-08:00

someone explain to me who came up with the idea of attaching a frilly little flower on the end of a pen.

how does one properly write with such a pen? it is a serious distraction also when you are giving a presentation and waving your pretty frilly little pen as if you're so important.

your presentation sucked. you apparently don't know know anything about your topic and relied on everyone else having had to read the paper and you basically put forth no analysis of the paper in the context of the topic. you merely asked us general questions on the topic and did not frame it in reference to the paper that you were supposed to be presenting on.

you suck.

i win.

2005-03-25T10:34:00.000-08:00

i will find any excuse to procrastinate.

wow.

2005-03-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

so my mom has cancer. again. it's exactly one year since she finished her last round of treatments.

today, she was told that the lesion in her lung is malignant.

it's either lung cancer. or breast cancer that has come back and spread.

on top of things, it's also possible that it was the radiation treatment from the first round of cancer that gave her the cancer in her lung.

where's the logic in something that is supposed to cure you, but ends up coming this >< much close to killing you?

so today, i am the super hotness

2005-03-22T07:34:00.000-08:00

hahaha.. that's right. my ego just grew to phenomenal proportions.

i got up early, at like 7am, to study. After having gone to bed too late...

I have heartburn. its killin me.

i took a super long shower...
my soap ran out. I am now amassing a lovely collection of teeny soap pieces.

i shall construct a soap ball.

then i shall play with it.

my head hurts.

i wonder if it would be possible for my brain to explode.
maybe, maybe not.

i think it MIGHT look like this.

In the meantime, someone contemplate PLAGUE.

mmmm plague.. my interest (read: obsession) never ends.

2005-03-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

Need Bunny to Calm Me Down.

GIMME BUNNY!!!

overexhaustion...

hundreds of pages of reading...

biostatistical analysis...

large amounts of caffeine of the Earl Grey persuasion...

I think im going crazier.

As if that was even possible.

It could be the crazy german EBM i have taken to listening to. Or more likely a pre-existing condition.

More later.

if i live.

today, i shall be self-centered and ego-testicle. i mean tistical.

2005-03-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

ok bitches, what's with the territoriality?

at work last night, i was helping a couple purchase shoes... they'd been walking around and around the store and finally started looking at shoes. so i go over to help them.

well the minute i started helping this couple, the girl started getting all flirty and kiss-y with her boyfriend. all over him. seriously, the guy was trying to buy shoes!! lay off a minute. god.

it was like some backhanded attempt at marking her territory or something.

let's be honest here, you boyfriend was quite ugly. the facial didn't work for him either.

not to mention that he was fat.

do i look like someone who does fat? no thanx.

2005-03-10T17:12:00.000-08:00

a couple months ago, i decided i was old.
how did i come to this decision?
the deciding factor was when i realized that i listened to more talk radio than music.

for an entire week, the dial in my car did not budge from a Toronto talk radio station. for five days.
while i was going to school. to work. to the other work...

if the talk radio to music ratio drastically changes, for a girl in her early twenties, that is a MAJOR problem.

in an attempt to rectify the situation, i shall now watch the O.C.

nothing like a little lesbian action, porn scandal and illegitimate children to spice things up.

2005-03-09T07:51:00.000-08:00

today, i refuse to get out of my pajamas.

Even when i have to go to class. and physio.

i win.

i have become the ultimate university student.

2005-03-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

Why is it so damn surprising when i tell people that i really have no intentions of having children? i mentioned it to a few people yesterday and they seemed shocked.

i dont understand why, just because im a woman, im supposed to want to have children, like it's my duty or something.

sorry, but i dont see myself as the motherly type. so would rather have another crazy raising children? who think it would be normal for me to run up to my children and say "mommy saw a dead guy today, wanna see some pictures?"

that's not normal.

then again, im not normal, so its ok.

but let's be honest, just because its built into my ever so entertaining biology, does not mean i have to have children.

i think it's not a right, but a privelege. i think you need to earn the right to do it. and when you drop your kid on the head 'nuff times, well you sure as hell aint fit.

i'm now going to eat gushers and ponder the fact that i'm a terrible writer, with not very much to say.

2005-03-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

So i got one of those nifty little programs to permit me to post on all my blogs... this one and the livejournal thing i still have.

i feel super smart. It's quite misleading

i did it at the expense of working on the seminar i'm teaching in one week.

Today, two freshly purchased boxes of fruit gushers somehow made their way onto my desk. Now i haven't seen these bad boys in years... Back when they weren't available in Canada, my mom used to be them for me and bring them home from the cottage in the states. It's bringing back hardcore memories. I used to barter with these in the schoolyard, they were like a hot commodity.

ok maybe not.

But I'm the coolest kid in my house now.

House parties

2005-02-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

So after attending a house party on saturday, i have come to many conclusions about the nature of the beast.

first of all, attending a house party is a lesson in tolerance. whether it be for the terrible music that is being played (i was subjected to hip hop and reggae) as well as the people that you just dont know.

in respects to the people that you just dont know, they just simply seem so much weirder than they probably are. However, the hoochies will always be hoochier on someone else's block.

After a brief one hour long appearance, i couldn't take it any longer. It was fabulous seeing some girls i hadn't gotten to see in a long time. But the overwhelming sense of "wow, you're not in your element" was just too much for me.

fast forward to the drive home... and the little old lady sitting in the left lane driving at approximately 100 km/h. clearly not sufficient.

THE LEFT LANE IS THE PASSING LANE.

i will one day get out of my car and beat the living daylights out of someone.

And probably get shot in the process.

2005-02-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

oh and i find myself once again home on a friday night because i chose to be antisocial and make ridiculous comments at the tv.

quite like last night's barfing induced by the out done cheesiness of the OC.

fuck it.

it's cuz im a fucking lazy bitch...

2005-02-25T17:06:00.000-08:00

have you ever had a horrendous painful headache that lasted one week.

it's made me even more cynical and bitchy.

today while driving around, in my alread feeble state and hyper light sensitivity mimicking a huge dose of some mind altering drug, i was hit in the eye by a flash of light.

My pet peeve has to be the fools who hang the stupid fucking cd's from their rearview mirrors.

i shall plan your demise.

2004-12-16T14:01:00.000-08:00

i hate christmas-time.

Bah Humbug to you.

2004-12-14T17:24:00.000-08:00

yup. so i lied.

i never started writing.

fuck it.

and fuck you.

i'll try tomorrow.

instead now, im going to be a loser and sleep.

bitter.

and the foray shall begin

2004-11-24T19:53:00.000-08:00

i decided to break out the safe confines of the world of livejournal.

clearly, i was happily ensconced in a safe padded room so that my pathetic attempts at social commentary and humor remained unviewed by the general public.

But however, somehow i think the walls need to be taken down and i need to broadcast the randomness.

but then again, i will probably fail miserably and shall be judged by anyone who wishes.